Eight of Cups

I go through phases where I will draw a Tarot card each morning. The way I view Tarot is much like many of my other interests, a tool for introspection and growth. Today I drew a card while thinking about the major life and career changes going on as I prepare to leave behind this Caribbean island that has been my home for more than three years and the veterinary profession that has been my life for over twenty years. When I looked at the Eight of Cups in my hand I had to smile.

(c) Stephanie Law - my favorite Tarot deck

The Eight of Cups is a card of change and transition. The card evokes an immediate reaction of sadness and a sense of solitude. The subject in this card has turned their back on all they have accumulated or accomplished before. 

I haven't blogged about The Art in a very long time but as many who know me on Facebook or IRL are aware, we are repatriating back to Canada and I am officially starting my career transition from veterinarian to full-time artist.

I think it will be more useful to write about the process of transition after I've done some of it - until then I would simply be speculating. As you can imagine, I am filled with a mixture of excitement and trepidation as I take this very big step. My decisions and process are well thought out and have been planned over a LONG period of time, but that doesn't mean the actual realization of my goal is any less daunting.

I've also been shying away from promoting my art on social media and struggling internally to have compassion for myself about that. My knee-jerk internal reaction is still, as always, to push the Artist in me harder and get 'real results' sooner. Luckily I have spent the last several years learning to differentiate the helpful internal voices from the unhelpful ones and acknowledge the latter without mindlessly obeying them. My Artist has developed a voice, and I can hear her... she speaks softly, and only when she has something very important to say, and often in feelings more than words - but what she communicates is tremendously valuable.

"If you want this to work - to really work this time and not become a self-fulfilling prophecy of failure, then you need to be patient. You need to rest. You need to fill your creative bank account (thank you Jake Parker). You need to create some space and let the Art return. You need to come back to your centre and rest in a place of peace. Then, and only then, will you achieve what you know can be achieved. If you make this transition from a place of love and faith you will be successful. If you force it to fit a timetable and process imposed by the part of your brain that doesn't understand art it will be more difficult and take longer to get where you are trying to go."

I have devoted more than half of my life to veterinary medicine. I have given it everything I had (and at times more than what I actually had to give). I have had triumphs and failures. I've laughed and cried. I've had times when I've patted myself on the back and times when I've drank myself to sleep. My greatest successes and failures dance readily in my mind.

Now it is time to give my art full, undivided attention and love.

Last Friday was my 'official' last day teaching veterinary medicine. I use the quotes because I still have intermittent teaching to do as a locum (and will happily continue with that until my work here has all been handed over to my very amazing colleagues - a process that is already well underway).

Elkhorn Coral from a reference photo by my amazing friend Michelle Dennis!

I don't think the strangeness of it has really hit me yet. I've tried to 'be an artist' a few times in the past, and I've always come running back to veterinary medicine before too long. This time is different, for reasons I may expand on someday but right now are mostly locked in the nonverbal, deep parts of me. And this time I want to leave them there for awhile. I feel that if I try to capture them in words right now I will change them, force them to fit the limited forms of language, and they are too new and fresh - I just barely have a fingerhold on them. Once I am comfortable that I understand it all better then maybe I will try to speak it. Or maybe I will paint it. Who knows?

And the 'sadness and solitude' of the Eight of Cups... well, I am also not very good at dealing with BIG things, like moving away from the best group of friends and colleagues I think I've ever had. I might not actually deal with ~that~ until after the move is done and reality truly starts to set in.

For now I will distract myself with 'Getting Stuff Done'. I am posting this simply to share some of what is going on here at Cat-in-a-Box, wake up this blog in preparation for more regular posting in the future, and most of all - take a step to shake me out of my insecurity-induced paralysis about my career transition that I've been stuck in recently.  Cat-in-a-Box ain't going to relaunch itself!

Now it's time to do some ART!

~ Pam

Saturday in the Studio

I'm in the studio this afternoon - it's a quiet, peaceful day today. This weekend is a long weekend here in celebration of St. Kitts' Independence and I expected downtown Basseterre to be crazy busy but instead it's actually surprisingly empty.

Flamboyant (St. Kitts' national tree) in Independence Square from the studio window.

The weather today is relatively cool (for this time of year), it is grey and overcast. We've had a fair bit of rain so the air, normally very muggy, is even more soft and thick and fragrant. I forget during the drier seasons just how lovely this place smells when the plants are fresh and the flowers in bloom. It's just one of those days I love! I even have a couple of companions on the roof outside my studio window....

Two pigeons keeping me company today

And in spite of this post I actually ~AM~ getting work done! I am trying to capture the progress on one of my current pieces 'Lickfoot' to make a timelapse video like I did once before with my lion scratchboard (HERE). I think I have found a camera setup that might work! My setup isn't the most technically advanced (yes, the camera is clinging to a piece of wood taped to an easel XD) but it seems to be getting the job done - no promises, but I'm hopeful!

First stage of a scratchboard - the sketch!

Now back to work!

~ Pam

ISSA Third Annual Scratchboard show

Hello folks!

I'm sorry my posts have been few and far between recently - I've been doing some veterinary teaching which has had to take priority in the past few weeks.  Fear not, I will be spending more time on my art and sharing some stuff with you in June and August.

For now though I wanted to show you a couple my most recently finished pieces.  These two scratchboards were accepted into the annual show for the International Society of Scratchboard Artists (ISSA) of which I am proud to be a signature member.

The show is going to be held this year at the Page-Walker Arts & History Center in Cary, North Carolina.  It is an amazing show - featuring the best of the best in scratchboard art.  For those of you who are going to be in the area the end of June I highly recommend you check it out - there is nothing like seeing these works in person!  And for any of you who are artists, there are fabulous workshops held in association with the show (check out the ISSA website for more details). 

(c) Pam Boutilier "Winter Cherries" 6x12" Claybord/Ink

The two pieces that I will have showing are both going to be available for sale.  "Winter Cherries" is a particularly meaningful piece for me that took me close to a year to complete.  I almost abandoned it several times but the guidance of a great mentor of mine, acrylic painter Martin Pryce, helped me hang on and see it through.  And you know what - I am so pleased with how it turned out.  I think this piece really shows some of the amazing things that scratchboard/whiteboard as a medium can do!

Here's a larger-than-life detail shot

The other piece that was accepted is 'Savannah Dreams' - this one also was a long time in the making.  That was mostly because I had created the warm abstract background when experimenting with my Claybords a couple of years ago, but for some time I couldn't find what art I wanted to put on the board.  I found the background so fascinating by itself I wanted to find a subject that would harmonize with it, but also that would not be overpowered by the background or compete with it.    I found myself looking at a photo of a lion I'd taken at the Toronto Zoo back in 2012 and suddenly it clicked - the angle and direction of the lion would work perfectly with the gradient of the background (at which point I was referring to that board as my 'leather background' because it reminded me of an old, beaten up leather trunk).  This lion is interesting because he does not grow a mane - so if you thought he was a lioness it is quite understandable!

I worked the lion in black and white and honestly didn't decide if/how much I was going to colour him until all the scratching was done.  Ultimately I decided to go with only a subtle wash of colour, leaving him somewhat stark compared to the background.

(c) Pam Boutilier "Savannah Dreams" 9x12" Claybord/ink

All the time I was working on this I kept thinking of him on his rock in the zoo, gazing over his rather limited domain in the middle of Canada, in the middle of winter.  My mind was filled with the contrast of his life compared to his heritage, which made me wonder whether his soul might ever dream of the dusty, warm, sun-drenched savannah.... hence 'Savannah Dreams' as the title.  That contrast, between his current life and his ancestry, also made me decide to leave him as a more stark black and white relative to the soft warmth of the background.

As an added bonus I will also give you a link to my timelapse 'speed scratch' on this one.  Now this was intended only as a practice run, so please keep that in mind when watching it.  I love speed-draw/paint/etc videos and have always wanted to do some of my scratchboards but I didn't know anything about the equipment, set-up or process.  This was a great learning experience and the next one that I do will have much better camera positioning, lighting, and so forth.  

Both of these pieces really gave me an opportunity to watch how the mental and emotional process I go through while creating a piece of art informs the decisions I make with it all along the way.  To a large degree you have control over what you're doing - but it's almost like you are the head of a committee rather than a dictator... you have to listen to input from the materials, your environment, your muse, and take those and incorporate them into the work as you go.  I have never been as happy with a piece that I planned and executed exactly according to plan as I have with a piece that I've allowed to grow and develop organically as I worked on it.

So there's the art, and be sure to check out the show if you get a chance!

~ Pam